None of us want to imagine a catastrophic injury or illness, let alone our ultimate demise. That’s why most of us aren’t prepared for minor changes much less any more serious eventualities.
When people are asked to approach a timeline representing their most recent year and place a blue post-it along the timeline for every positive event and a yellow post-it for every negative event, most people place a relative balance of blue and yellow notes. The longer the period of time represented along the line, the more likely an even mix becomes.
When those same people are asked to approach a timeline representing the upcoming year, five years, or twenty years, the results are quite different. Most people will place a disproportionate percentage of blue post-its representing a very optimistic view of the future. We all want to believe the future will be much better than the past.
When the people who’ve completed both past and future timelines are asked about the discrepancy between the two, they readily recognize they are being overly optimistic. We all know we’re going to experience challenges and setbacks, but we don’t want to think about them.
If we could coldly and objectively consider what would happen if we lost our job, we might cut back spending and increase automatic transfers to a savings account. Over the long haul, though, we aren’t capable of being cold and objective. We fall back into our subjective, overly optimistic views pretty quickly. That’s why most of us won’t sustain any reduction in our spending or any increase in our savings. We just can’t live from one moment to the next with the awareness that tough times will almost certainly come.
So, how can we overcome this natural tendency to move through life with rose-colored glasses? We invite someone we trust to help us maintain a bit of objectivity and plan accordingly.
Going back to the timeline experiment, what do you think happens when people are asked to go through the same process for someone they know? As you’ve probably guessed, there is very little difference between the way they see other people’s pasts and the expectations they hold for other people’s futures.
When we invite a trusted third party to help us consider the future and how we can be better prepared, we receive two benefits:
- We are much more realistic about that future and more inclined to face the unpleasant eventualities that could derail us if we aren’t prepared.
- We move from considering the unpleasant “what ifs” to preparing “no matter what.”
That third party may be a close friend, a family member, or a colleague, but there’s a drawback to asking someone you know to help you face the future. They won’t want to make you uncomfortable or ask you to consider something you’d rather ignore. If you’re fortunate enough to have a trusted friend or family member who will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it, then ask that person to help you address the uncertainties we all face.
If you’re like most people and you don’t want to put friends or family members in the awkward position of challenging you to consider something you’ve been avoiding, consider enlisting the help of others who’ve already navigated the waters you’re trying to sail.
The Shelter from the Storm is an online community for people who are anticipating, experiencing, or grieving the loss of someone they love. There’s a room in the Shelter for those who are anticipating their own ultimate horizon and want to plan accordingly. They’re great at helping each other!
Shelter from the Storm is part of LifeWellLived.com, where you’ll find:
1) an online community where people get support without cost or obligation;
2) professional production of personal documentary videos;
3) virtual memorial services for everyone, everywhere, anytime.
Visit us soon. You deserve the peace of mind that comes from addressing your ultimate horizon!
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